I'm sorry, stupid phrase, but I'm letting you go.

Well, I got fired today. Just a month or two of working once a week at the salad/sandwich place Chopped and I was informed today that I was being let go. So, yeah, you can imagine what wonders getting fired from a minimum-wage fast food job does to your self-esteem, but that’s actually not what I want to get into right now (and in fairness I can’t really blame them; they probably really didn’t need to take me on in the first place and I wasn’t as quick as everybody else on the salad/chopping line [though in my defense it was only four/five hours a week so I think it was harder for me to get into the rhythm of it]). Ah, crap, I did get into it. I’ll stop and actually move on to the real topic of this post.

Lately my mind’s been getting stuck on the seeming contradictions or inadequacies in certain phrases we human beings use. You can see this in my last post when I went on a quick side-tangent about the phrase “Native American.” Well, today what I thought about was the phrase “We’re letting you go” as an alternative to “We’re firing you.” Now, I appreciate the desire to be tactful about firing somebody (and the manager, Nick, was very kind), but “letting you go” seems like a very retarded, almost cop-out way to say you’re firing somebody.

We’re letting you go!? Letting someone go implies that they wanted to go, that you were holding them back and now you are setting them free.

Why, yes, indeed, I hated having a job, hated actually having an income, hated gaining job experience, hated feeling like I had something steady and reliable, a place where I could contribute and receive rewards; those jerks were making me come in every week to work! I didn’t want to but they bodily dragged me in and chained me to the counter! If only they would just liberate me and let me go.

Sometimes I wish for a world with less tact and more frank, up-front communication. “Sir, we’re firing you because you suck at this job.” Yeah, it hurts, but it hurts no matter how you dress it up. Whatever method they have for telling you you’re fired, the same feelings of loss, inadequacy, and failure set in (ah, dang it, I’m getting back into it again).

Point is, I think the phrase “letting go” is a phrase that that simply does not jive with the reality of what firing is.

The other phrase that’s been troubling me a bit lately is the phrase, “anti-war” (this train of thought was inspired by the movie Avatar). Whenever I hear the phrase “anti-war” applied to a movie or story, it's usually a turn-off for me. Which then makes me feel weird. I mean, does that mean I’m pro-war. That’s a terrible thought!

Why, yes, I can’t get me enough war. Every morning I wake up thinking, “Boy, I just can’t wait till the next big war!” I just love the thought of young men from different cultures and nations coming together to kill each other. I love the smell of napalm in the morning!

I guess my issue with the phase is I’m not really sure how to define myself (at least not in the simplistic pro/anti terms we like to use in politics), because I would say overall I’m anti-war, too. It’s just that I do think there are situations where the alternative is worse, that there are situations where not going to war now means that eventually an even more horrible, disastrous conflict will take place later on(see Neville Chamberlain), and that until the Lord comes and sets things straight that war will be a fact of human life.

There are anti-war pieces of art/story telling I enjoy (musically, for example, I love the songs “Devils and Dust” by Bruce Springsteen and “Belief” by John Mayer even though I know both songs are protesting the war in Iraq/Afghanistan, military engagements which I have supported). But when I hear that term applied to something I always fear that it will be some over-simplistic narrative in which Americans are always painted as the bad guys, soldiers are either blood-thirsty nut jobs or psychologically-shattered victims, and the reality of there being dangerous, evil men out there who will not be deterred by anything less than violence is denied.

Anyways, just some things that have been on my mind.

When in Doubt, Blame Whitey or (in the case you are part of said whitey ethnic group) When In Doubt, Apologize

Alright, this post arises out of a little rant that occurred inside my brain during the second half of my "Slavery In Latin America and the Caribbean" class yesterday. I kind of wish I had written this post sooner so more of my genuine frustration would have poured out (I've mostly cooled off about it now), but in any case I still want to get my thoughts out on this subject.

The subject for our class yesterday was the Haitian Revolution, which occurred in Haiti during the last decade of the 18th century and the first few years of the 19th century. It's actually a really complex and interesting subject, but all I'll say about it is basically it was the only successful slave uprising that truly destroyed the local system of slavery during that era. In our class the teacher told us that really the Haitian Revolution is just as important and impactful as the American Revolution, French Revolution, etc. in modern history but that in America we don't really do pay much attention to it. I agree with that; I was never really taught about it in any detail growing up, and it was a very important event (it didn't immediately lead to abolition elsewhere, but it did send waves throughout the rest of slave-owning America, in any case terrifying the heck out of slave owners and affecting how they viewed their slaves). The question our teacher posed was "Why don't we focus on it more?"

Obviously early on accounts of it would be suppressed or highly biased as slaveowners would want to protect the slave system from any further uprisings, and after that for a while racists also would not want to confront it, but really now I don't think there's any deliberate ignoring of it now; I just think that, as in the past most people avoided the subject, now most modern historians don't really think to much about it, instead focusing their research on more commonly known topics and on the fates and actions of more powerful nations (American Revolution eventually leads to superpower; French Revolution likewise still leads to a powerful nation; Russian Revolution leads to a communist superpower). Haiti, meanwhile (as another student in the class pointed out) has not been very economically successful or militarily powerful in the world scene.

Anyways, a female, Native-American student (I've realized I have issues with both the ethnic label of Indian [because the Americas are not India, though peopled did call them the Indies] and native American [because, heck, I'm an native American; whether you're white, black, or Asian if you're born here you are a native]) made a comment about how in American history classes nobody studies or teaches native American history enough (she's commented about this many times before); she told a personal anecdote about how she went to some college lecture with these white guest Professors from the east. She talked about them opening [I think] their lecture with an apology. I'm not sure if she was saying that they were apologizing for what had been done to the native Americans in the past or that more white people had not shown up at the lecture or if they were apologizing for there not being enough research on native American history (I don't think it was for the last one, but for one of the first two). She made a comment about how she appreciated them being more sensitive to the native Americans and how she thinks conquering societies don't like to confront or own up to the destruction of indigenous societies they caused. I'm trying to represent what she said fairly because miscommunication/misinterpreting is a common thing, but to me her comments seemed to possess resentment against white western society and fit into the whole "white guilt" pattern of thought where white people have to always make sure they're apologetic about their society's past and really sensitive to the feelings of formerly persecuted minority groups.

Okay, moving past her comments (which were just a trigger; it just got me thinking about the broader white guilt philosophy in our society), I just wanted to make it know that I think white guilt political correctness is a BUNCH OF CRAP! If I understood correctly and those professors were apologizing for what Europeans had done to native Americans, then I think that's just absurd, because YOU CAN'T APOLOGIZE TO SOMEBODY WHO NEVER HAD AN ATROCITY COMMITTED AGAINST THEM FOR AN ATROCITY YOU NEVER COMMITTED! It's a ridiculous, childish exercise that really doesn't advance the cause of historical truth or social progress but instead gives people feelings of warm fuzzies and "Boy, am I enlightened!" self-righteousness. The past is done; it happened. And what happened then does affect where people are now socially in the present. But the way to fix problems is NOT to keep harping on the past and demanding restitution from the descendants of a conquering society. We should know our history, and if people want to do further research into the history of conquered/largely wiped out societies, more power to them. But, please, nobody should feel either guilty or entitled to apologies because of what past ancestors did.

And while it is true that conquering societies usually do white-wash their history, I just really don't think that's the case in this situation now, as far as what's taught in American schools about white/Indian relations in America. I was always taught, from elementary school on up that what European conquerors had done to native Americans was VERY WRONG. I don't think there was ever any moral confusion or debate over that. We might not know tons of details about past Indian cultures, but I don't think modern America really has any problem admitting up to its history of destroying indigenous cultures.

The other problem I have with white guilt is that turns our narrative of history into a perverted, innacurate, skewed account just as surely as racism or a belief in the infallibility of the United States does. While western society (referring to western European civilization and the societies it established in other places that it conquered at one time or the other) does have a history of many atrocities and oppression against indigenous societies (and, btw, western civilization did not invent murder, rape, prejudice; they existed everywhere throughout human history because they are simply part of the darker side of human nature and not unique to any one civilization), it also has a history of many political/scientific/social achievements and inventions that have benefitted the whole world. Decreased child mortality rates, longer life spans, cars, planes, greatly improved general standards of living, the protection of civic liberties, greater opportunities for social advancement, etc. I believe these all developed out of WESTERN civilization and philosophies, and if you're going to knock on America/Britain/whatever for past crimes you should also acknowledge all the good and great things those countries did (for, example, being/becoming the kinds of countries that DO ALLOW you to criticize them or their past without fear of being beheaded or tossed into a gulag).

In closing, I'll leave you all with a quote from one my most favorite political commentators, Mark Steyn: "We are encouraging of certain forms of assertiveness: I am woman, hear me roar! Say it loud, I’m black and proud! We’re here, we’re queer, get used to it! But the one identity we’re enjoined not to trumpet is the one that enables us to trumpet all the others: our identity as citizens of a very specific kind of society with a very particular inheritance, built on the rule of law, property rights, and freedom of speech. Heaven forbid we should assert any of that: I am western, hear me apologize!"

What does a mouse, CS Lewis, and the Holocaust have in common? aka the really long blog post

In answer to the title of this post: nothing that I can think of, other than I'm going to bring them all up in this post.

About a Mouse: A month or two back (I'm not sure how long ago), my roommate Jose swore he saw a HUGE cockroach in our bedroom. That's really not implausible considering:

a) We're college boys living in an apartment; cockroaches come with the territory.
b) I've seen cockroaches, on occasion, in our apartment before.
c) Our room's a mess, with plenty of places for tiny creatures to hide out.

He set out a cockroach trap, and that was the end of it for a day or two. Then one evening he shouts at me to come to the room and says, "It's not a cockroach. It's a mouse!" And indeed it was. We saw the little rodent and tried to get him, but, alas, the creature was too quick and clever and had far too much stuff to hide behind or under.
We discovered that he had access to several cupboards in our kitchen through these little man-made holes (not sure why those are there) in the cupboards around and beneath our sink. We discovered chewed up stuff and little mouse-turds there. We purchased glue traps and set them about the house, but it was to no avail.
I could go on and on, but I'll try to keep this short: basically, we'd have the occasional mouse-spotting with requisite mad dash to catch him, but the little guy is GOOD at what he does! There'd be days on end where he'd see no sign of him other than the poop he left behind (on top of our kitchen counter, underneath drying dishes--blech!). We discovered he actually also would live inside our stove, popping out of the grill and running back in when we tried to catch him.
There was a week or two then when I didn't see him at all till finally he became bold the past few days and popped out more and more. I saw him once while sitting on a chair in the living room. He came from the kitchen and darted underneath my chair. I didn't even get up to try to get him; I was resigned to the fact that he was too fast, and, besides, he was fascinating to watch. Eventually he popped out from under/behind a couch at the other end of the living room and squeezed into this little (again man-made) hole in wall. What I did not realize is there's another hole on the other side of the wall leading into Jose's and my closet.
Well, a couple of days later, while studying on my bed, I looked up and though I saw a glimpse of him on the top shelf of our closet! I called for Jose and we both went and looked and Jose confirmed that he was hiding behind a bag up there. We moved stuff around to try and get him, but he leaped onto one of my hanging coats. I thought he must have gone down to the ground, but Jose said he was just staying there, hanging onto the coat. So we moved the coat, he finally dropped down and then dashed behind one of luggage cases. There we discovered the hole in our closet wall.
So, I placed one of my old yearbooks over the hole to keep him from coming through that way again, we set three glue traps beneath the hole in the living room wall, and we cleaned the copious amounts of mouse crap on our closet shelf. The next day, while I am off at the U of A, I get the text from my roommate Jose that the glue traps worked and the mouse was caught!
I admit, I was actually kind of sad about it, because I knew this meant probably the death of Remy (our nickname for him, inspired by Ratatouille). When I got home that evening and asked about it the story was even worse than I thought. My roommate didn't even kill the mouse; he just sprayed him with some toxic stuff (he was trying to kill him, but it didn't work, at least not quickly) and threw him in the dumpster. I felt really bad, because I think when it comes to these sorts of things I feel you should just smash the creature and put it out of its misery. I agree with catching him and even killing him if necessary (and I'm not sure how you detach an animal from a glue trap), cause you don't know if the thing's carrying any diseases and he was pooping all over the place, but I'd like to cause them as little pain as possible in the process. I really hope he's crossed over Styx by now and isn't still writhing in the dumpster.
So spare a moment of silence for poor Remy. The moral of the story (for animals) is: don't compete with humans for an environment; we're big, ruthless, and quite adept at eliminating other species when we put our mind to it.

Moving on, I just watched a terrific move this past week: Shadowlands. There's a good chance you never heard of it, which is sad, because it really is a fantastically well-made, well-written, well-acted movie. But it came out the same year as Schindler's List so I think it was overshadowed a bit.
It's a movie about famed Christian/Narnia writer CS Lewis and a relationship he had with an American woman named Joy Gresham. For me, CS Lewis is always a good thing, so just the subject of the film has me intrigued. But to further increase my interest in the movie, it has the great Anthony Hopkins playing CS Lewis. I'm not sure that Hopkins has ever given a bad performance (none that I've ever seen, anyways), and he's fantastic here. Debra Winger is likewise wonderful as Joy Gresham, though her performance was almost off-putting to me at first due to its brashness (but I think that befits her character and is the intended effect at that point in the story). The movie really is mostly about their relationship, so don't expect this movie to really explore in-depth Lewis's faith or writings, though they do come up several times (his beliefs regarding how God can allow pain, in particular).
Be warned, though, this is not a fast-paced movie. It is long, and it starts slow, but the dialogue and performances have real wit in them (I laughed out many times; there's an exchange of dialogue between Lewis and his brother that I think is one of the funniest movie scenes I have ever seen). It's also very moving and powerful (you might want a box of tissues handy when you watch it), and I actually think this movie may become my all-time favorite love story, in large part due to its gradual development and quirky, unconventional nature.
The cinematography and direction is all quite beautiful too, and after watching it I imdb'd the movie and discovered it's directed by Richard Attenborough. You might know him from his performances in The Great Escape (he's the British officer that's in charge of the big escape plan), Jurassic Park (he plays John Hammond) or the 1990s Miracle on 34th Street remake (he's Chris Kringle/Santa Clause), but he really is a fine director, having made the 1982 Best Picture-winning biopic "Gandhi"(and if you haven't seen that, your REALLY NEED TO. It's very long, but it's a powerful portrayal of an amazing life and Ben Kingsley delivers one of the greatest movie performances of all time [and deservedly won Best Actor at the Oscars]).
I did have some problems with the ending, not really in what it depicted but on what the emphasis seemed to be, but I really can't get into that without giving away stuff, so I'll refrain. Still, overall, I think this is one of the best movies (totally Mormon-friendly, too) I've ever seen, and I recommend it highly.

Finally, I had to read "Night" for my Jewish Civilization class recently. If you've never read it, it's Elie Weisel's account of his experience during the Holocaust (he was a Transylvanian Jew who ended up in one of the death camps). It's very powerful, very bleak, very depressing. After reading a passage early on in the book about (I think?) local soldiers roughly herding Jews into the ghetto and then onto trains that would take them to their doom in the death camps the idea for a poem came into my head, and I wrote a couple of stanzas. I completed it some days later, and thought I'd post it here. It's not about mass-murdering sociopaths like Hitler or fundamentalist zealots like terrorists, but about normal people who give into pressure around them and end up doing terrible things. Here it is:

“You Will Remember”

The sound of shattering,
I was afraid,
My life asunder,
Beneath a blade.
Sending prayers for help
Into the void,
You answered me,
And you destroyed.

Moving like a machine,
Rhythmic and cold,
Completing duties
That you were told,
I captured your eyes
With my last breath.
I witnessed life.
You witnessed death.

I was weak
And you were strong
But you will find
Before too long
Time and lies
Can’t hide a wrong
So try to blend
In with the throng,

But you will remember what you do.
You will remember what you do.
When night falls
And you are through
You’ll still remember what you do.

The passing of seasons,
Movement and time.
They never leave you—
Your past, your crime.
You hide behind smiles,
Hope they will fade—
The silences
That you have made.

And you are no monster,
No beast of hell;
But you shut your heart,
Gave in and fell.
A normal soul caught
In evil days
You dealt in blood;
The stain now stays.

I was weak
And you were strong
But you will find
Before too long
That time and lies
Can’t right a wrong
So try to blend
Amid the throng

But you will remember what you do
You will remember what you
When night falls
And you are through
You’ll still remember what you do.

I am the accuser,
The memory,
The jailer who never
Will set you free.
Because deep down
You know it’s true:
When you killed me,
You killed you.
You will remember…

The Saga Begins...

Greetings, fellow travelers on this potholed highway we call life. If you are reading this, I must assume that you have frequently crossed paths with me: young, frustrated Mormon sometimes-poet, all-the-times daydreamer Devin. If this is the case, you have my sincerest condolences. If this is not the case, then who the heck are you!? Why are you reading this, creepy internet stalker!? Get a life and follow Nathan Fillion's twitter or something...

Anyhow, this blog actually first came into being as an entertainment news/commentary blog entitled "Musing About Movies" that I created to receive extra-credit in my Journalism course last year. Since completing the necessary requirements to earn my extra credit I sadly let the blog fall by the way-side and on into obscurity.

And now that we have that extremely thrilling and informative explanation out of the way allow me to procrastinate my assigned reading for History 352 a little longer and talk about my goals for this newly rechristened blog:

1) To post whatever random rambling or rant I wish to make known to friends and family, preferably in a somewhat humorous fashion.
2) To post reviews of the movies, books, and music which I waste my life away in consuming.
3) To update any concerned parties with my progress in realizing such dreams as writing and getting published, earning a degree in history, getting a job, slaying dragons, composing music, etc.
4) To actually start posting and updating on a regular basis, hopefully entertaining those actually willing to take time to read this blog while creating a psuedo-record of my life.

So continue on with your lives, fellow pilgrims. Listen to your heart, climb every mountain, watch Star Wars, and, whenever you're in the mood to inhale the mysterious, unpredictable, intoxicating gas that is Devin Christensen's thoughts, come to "Dreaming at the Wheel," at devincmovies.blogspot.com