Honestly, I really should be working on some other stuff right now, but it's been a while since last I posted and I just felt like writing out some of my feelings (I haven't been doing so hot in the keeping-an-up-to-date-journal department either as of late). Basically, if you go back two posts you'll find me mentioning how I'd been in a depressed, lonely, heartbroken funk. As you may guess, this all had to do with a girl. A girl I'd had a crush on for two years and the only girl up to that point in my life (and she does still hold that position) that I'd ever started to have serious romantic feelings for, and the first and only one to break my heart (let's be clear here; she did nothing wrong; she just didn't return the feelings I had at the time).
Well, within an hour or two of me publishing that post mentioning my heartbroken state, the very same girl at the source of my emotional storms called me up and asked me if I wanted to do anything. We ended up going to the movies and having ice cream. Then we started dating again. Then we officially started going out, and our relationship's seemed to only keep progressing and getting better and better.
So, the past month and half or so has been one of the most surreal of my life. At times it felt like a movie screen-writer was in control of events. I've often wondered how the heck did any of this happen, but more and more I'm growing accustomed to it. It's strange to move from telling yourself over and over you need to get over a girl and blog-posting about great heart-break songs to then being able to whisper "I love you" in her ear without fear or awkwardness, and to see her smile.
I know for the most part my experience is not unique. Everybody falls in love; and a lot of relationships that start out feeling magical and joyful end up turning rocky or falling apart completely.
Which is why I think at times we keep ourselves so guarded about our feelings and try to avoid wearing our hearts on our sleeves in front of other people. We try to avoid being cheesy, because we know if things go sour then the memory of those cheesy things will only cause us greater embarrassment and loss of pride. But more and more I've come to appreciate that it's the cheesiness in life we live for. Being skeptical, cynical, and independent can seem safer emotionally, but it's just not as fun.
So I still don't know how things will end with regards to this girl, but more and more the voices of skepticism and doubt in my head are fading away. Life flows and feels so differently for me now, with a frequency of intense happiness over an extended period of time that I haven't experienced before.
I'm not sure why I feel the need to post this, as anybody who does read this blog already knows the details of the matter more explicitly than what I write here. I guess, considering my former posts have at times had a darker feel to them or focused on sadness or frustration, I wanted to mark a period of my life where, though there are still fears and problems to work through, I really am happy.
I love a girl. She loves me. Life is strange and wonderful.
