Honestly, I really should be working on some other stuff right now, but it's been a while since last I posted and I just felt like writing out some of my feelings (I haven't been doing so hot in the keeping-an-up-to-date-journal department either as of late). Basically, if you go back two posts you'll find me mentioning how I'd been in a depressed, lonely, heartbroken funk. As you may guess, this all had to do with a girl. A girl I'd had a crush on for two years and the only girl up to that point in my life (and she does still hold that position) that I'd ever started to have serious romantic feelings for, and the first and only one to break my heart (let's be clear here; she did nothing wrong; she just didn't return the feelings I had at the time).
Well, within an hour or two of me publishing that post mentioning my heartbroken state, the very same girl at the source of my emotional storms called me up and asked me if I wanted to do anything. We ended up going to the movies and having ice cream. Then we started dating again. Then we officially started going out, and our relationship's seemed to only keep progressing and getting better and better.
So, the past month and half or so has been one of the most surreal of my life. At times it felt like a movie screen-writer was in control of events. I've often wondered how the heck did any of this happen, but more and more I'm growing accustomed to it. It's strange to move from telling yourself over and over you need to get over a girl and blog-posting about great heart-break songs to then being able to whisper "I love you" in her ear without fear or awkwardness, and to see her smile.
I know for the most part my experience is not unique. Everybody falls in love; and a lot of relationships that start out feeling magical and joyful end up turning rocky or falling apart completely.
Which is why I think at times we keep ourselves so guarded about our feelings and try to avoid wearing our hearts on our sleeves in front of other people. We try to avoid being cheesy, because we know if things go sour then the memory of those cheesy things will only cause us greater embarrassment and loss of pride. But more and more I've come to appreciate that it's the cheesiness in life we live for. Being skeptical, cynical, and independent can seem safer emotionally, but it's just not as fun.
So I still don't know how things will end with regards to this girl, but more and more the voices of skepticism and doubt in my head are fading away. Life flows and feels so differently for me now, with a frequency of intense happiness over an extended period of time that I haven't experienced before.
I'm not sure why I feel the need to post this, as anybody who does read this blog already knows the details of the matter more explicitly than what I write here. I guess, considering my former posts have at times had a darker feel to them or focused on sadness or frustration, I wanted to mark a period of my life where, though there are still fears and problems to work through, I really am happy.
I love a girl. She loves me. Life is strange and wonderful.
Saturday, October 23, 2010
Sunday, September 19, 2010
And now for something completely different....
Alright, friends and foes, it's time for a very random tale told by Devin Christensen. We'll call it "Devin's Brain Is On The Brink Of Melting Out His Ears and Nostrils After Being Subjected to Approximately Two Hours of Reading Assigned German-Jewish Writers Readings."
Actually, that title is a little too mundane and generic to me, so I'm going to make it a bit more epic-sounding: "Devin's Brain Is On The Brink Of Melting Out His Ears and Nostrils After Being Subjected to Approximately Two Hours of Reading Assigned German-Jewish Writers Readings ON FIRE!!!!!!!!!" Yeah, everything's more intense when you add the phrase ON FIRE in all caps.
Onto the tale: so once upon a time there was a lad named Morgan. Morgan was mild-mannerdly goofing off on his computer one day when suddenly his anti-virus update suddenly popped up to inform him that September 19th is National Talk Like a Pirate Day. Morgan said, "Why the heck is my anti-virus informing me about the timing of a pointless holiday," and the antivirus responded, "Because I'm AVAST antivirus, you yellow-bellied, turpentine guzzling guttersnipe. It's a humorous reference to our pirate-sounding name which we are now informing you about in order show you scalawags that even antivirus programmers have some sense of humor. ARRRGGHHH!" Morgan pondered on the response for a few seconds before suddenly flipping out and chucking his lab top across the room at the realization that his labtop had just responded to an audible question from him.
In horror he queried the fallen computer "WHAT ARE YOU!?" But there was no response, for the labtop had been thoroughly damaged by its sudden launch into the wall and so the secret of how the antivirus had actually responded to Morgan's vocal question would remain one of life's great mysteries.
Morgan's horror did not leave him, though, for he realized that he had just killed his one and only labtop and now would have to pony up several hundred dollars to purchase a new one. He was about to walk out the door to go to the store when he realized that it was the Sunday and, he being a good practicing Mormon, could not in good conscience go and purchase electronic goods.
So, now with no internet access with which to waste his time Morgan found himself sitting dejectedly and bored in his living room. "Gosh, I'm bored," he said to himself. Morgan talked to himself a lot. It was quite a frequent activity for him, as he often found himself alone and given plenty of time in which to develop strange quirky habits like said talking to oneself. "If only something exciting would happen to me," he said.
Well, fortunately for Morgan, something exciting did happen not two seconds after he uttered his phrase. A dragon suddenly crashed through the roof of his apartment landing right beside him. That's right, friends, a real-life dragon, it's eyes orange and aglow like two radiating topazes, its scales shining like thousands of ebony ovals layered upon one another, its tail dancing back and forth like a cobra, and its breath smelling like a twenty year old electric fan making its last spurt of activity before finally malfunctioning forever.
"Cheerio, good sir," said the friendly and delightfully stereotypically British dragon. "Do you know where a gentleman might be able to purchase some tube socks."
"Uh, there's a Target just a little ways from here on Oracle and Roger," Morgan said.
"Ah, that's splendid, old chap, just splendid," the mythical reptile said cheerfully. "I am most obliged for your assistance."
And with that the dragon left just as swiftly as he had crashlanded in a minute earlier.
"Wait a minute!" Morgan said, after the dragon had vanished. "What about my roof!?"
But there was no response, for the creature, while very British, could be quite thoughtless at times and had left without giving any recompense to poor Morgan, who was having an altogether very odd and disappointing day (though it was certainly no longer boring).
"Well, I guess the ox is in the mire," Morgan said, surrendering to the fact that he would probably have to engage in some non-Sabbath work and money-changing in order to fix his problems. He left his apartment, careful to lock the door despite the fact that now his apartment was quite exposed to any would-be-burglar as there was a gaping hole in the roof above his living room. He started heading for the manager's office, pondering on whether their insurance covered property damage caused by dragons.
But Morgan never made it to the manager's office, for before he could a mysterious flying cube the size of a well-fed cow appeared above his head and, with a flash of mauve light, suddenly teleported him to Hipsquali Land, a magical place where Morgan was able to eat all the bratwurst that you can imagine and watch glorious marathons of "Hey, Arnold!" and "Rocky and Bulwinkle" and have indulgent popculture conversations with centaurs. And he lived happily ever after.
The End
***
Yeah, I know this story was kind of meandering and pointless, but so was the assignment I just read. Good night, everybody.
Actually, that title is a little too mundane and generic to me, so I'm going to make it a bit more epic-sounding: "Devin's Brain Is On The Brink Of Melting Out His Ears and Nostrils After Being Subjected to Approximately Two Hours of Reading Assigned German-Jewish Writers Readings ON FIRE!!!!!!!!!" Yeah, everything's more intense when you add the phrase ON FIRE in all caps.
Onto the tale: so once upon a time there was a lad named Morgan. Morgan was mild-mannerdly goofing off on his computer one day when suddenly his anti-virus update suddenly popped up to inform him that September 19th is National Talk Like a Pirate Day. Morgan said, "Why the heck is my anti-virus informing me about the timing of a pointless holiday," and the antivirus responded, "Because I'm AVAST antivirus, you yellow-bellied, turpentine guzzling guttersnipe. It's a humorous reference to our pirate-sounding name which we are now informing you about in order show you scalawags that even antivirus programmers have some sense of humor. ARRRGGHHH!" Morgan pondered on the response for a few seconds before suddenly flipping out and chucking his lab top across the room at the realization that his labtop had just responded to an audible question from him.
In horror he queried the fallen computer "WHAT ARE YOU!?" But there was no response, for the labtop had been thoroughly damaged by its sudden launch into the wall and so the secret of how the antivirus had actually responded to Morgan's vocal question would remain one of life's great mysteries.
Morgan's horror did not leave him, though, for he realized that he had just killed his one and only labtop and now would have to pony up several hundred dollars to purchase a new one. He was about to walk out the door to go to the store when he realized that it was the Sunday and, he being a good practicing Mormon, could not in good conscience go and purchase electronic goods.
So, now with no internet access with which to waste his time Morgan found himself sitting dejectedly and bored in his living room. "Gosh, I'm bored," he said to himself. Morgan talked to himself a lot. It was quite a frequent activity for him, as he often found himself alone and given plenty of time in which to develop strange quirky habits like said talking to oneself. "If only something exciting would happen to me," he said.
Well, fortunately for Morgan, something exciting did happen not two seconds after he uttered his phrase. A dragon suddenly crashed through the roof of his apartment landing right beside him. That's right, friends, a real-life dragon, it's eyes orange and aglow like two radiating topazes, its scales shining like thousands of ebony ovals layered upon one another, its tail dancing back and forth like a cobra, and its breath smelling like a twenty year old electric fan making its last spurt of activity before finally malfunctioning forever.
"Cheerio, good sir," said the friendly and delightfully stereotypically British dragon. "Do you know where a gentleman might be able to purchase some tube socks."
"Uh, there's a Target just a little ways from here on Oracle and Roger," Morgan said.
"Ah, that's splendid, old chap, just splendid," the mythical reptile said cheerfully. "I am most obliged for your assistance."
And with that the dragon left just as swiftly as he had crashlanded in a minute earlier.
"Wait a minute!" Morgan said, after the dragon had vanished. "What about my roof!?"
But there was no response, for the creature, while very British, could be quite thoughtless at times and had left without giving any recompense to poor Morgan, who was having an altogether very odd and disappointing day (though it was certainly no longer boring).
"Well, I guess the ox is in the mire," Morgan said, surrendering to the fact that he would probably have to engage in some non-Sabbath work and money-changing in order to fix his problems. He left his apartment, careful to lock the door despite the fact that now his apartment was quite exposed to any would-be-burglar as there was a gaping hole in the roof above his living room. He started heading for the manager's office, pondering on whether their insurance covered property damage caused by dragons.
But Morgan never made it to the manager's office, for before he could a mysterious flying cube the size of a well-fed cow appeared above his head and, with a flash of mauve light, suddenly teleported him to Hipsquali Land, a magical place where Morgan was able to eat all the bratwurst that you can imagine and watch glorious marathons of "Hey, Arnold!" and "Rocky and Bulwinkle" and have indulgent popculture conversations with centaurs. And he lived happily ever after.
The End
***
Yeah, I know this story was kind of meandering and pointless, but so was the assignment I just read. Good night, everybody.
Saturday, September 4, 2010
In which I discuss actor advocay, anguish, and alcohol
So while I was surfing the web recently I saw a video about some actress I didn’t know talking about saving whales or some such other world problem (it wasn’t about saving whales, but that’s the cliché so I’m using it to represent whatever). Now, the use of a famous (or not-so-famous) actor or actress to help raise awareness over some social, political, or health issue is by now a well-worn tradition in American media. I remember hearing recently about a pro-Obamacare ad starring the great who-knows-how-old-he-must-be-by-now Andy Griffith.
Now many people have commented on the ridiculousness of Hollywood celebrities trying to sound authoritative on different social issues, so what I’m saying isn’t really anything new, but I still find it ridiculous to see an online ad that says “Actor [insert name] talks about [insert topic that’s not acting].” Do we have plumbers do ads to raise awareness about good dental hygiene? Do we have astronauts do ads about preventing forest fires? Why in the world are we having people whose only real job is being attractive and entertainingly saying lines that screenwriters put into their mouths the ones that we have speak about anything outside of acting?
Now, I think at the same time I’m probably being a little unfair about this. After all, if you’re a wealthy, famous person with plenty of free time, it’s entirely possible for you to do real research on an issue and then to go and try to raise awareness about something you care about. And, sadly, we humans do have a tendency to listen more to a person with good looks and charisma than an uncharismatic guy who actually knows what he’s talking about, so if you’re an organization trying to get public support for something, it is the shrewd move to get some gorgeous spokesperson for your cause (Andy Griffith is pretty easy on the eyes, after all).
An awesome parody of this sort of thing is Neil Patrick Harris’ Old Spice ad. Check it out on youtube. Classic.
***
So I’ve been off-and-on in a bit of a depressed, lonely, heartbroken funk lately, and there’s nothing that depressed, lonely, heartbroken people like to do more than listen to songs about being depressed and lonely and heartbroken (well, ok, for non-Mormons it’s probably getting drunk out of your mind but as for me I like music). So, I’ve been doing a lot of listening to melancholy songs lately and here are a few of my favorites for those times when you’re feeling down and want to hear some sounds that recognize the pain in you (brownie points to whoever knows what song I just referenced there):
The Script- Breakeven (very catchy and does a real good job talking about how insane one feels when they’re totally heartbroken over someone and the other person ain’t; for some reason I just love the line, “Her best days are some of my worst”)
Frou Frou- It’s Good to Be in Love, The Dumbing Down of Love (actually, the whole album by Frou Frou [“Details”] makes for a wonderful 40 minutes or so of beautifully crafted melancholia, but these two in particular I think pack the biggest emotional punch for those that are feeling lonely or heartbroken)
Porcupine Tree- So Low (WOW, this is such a simple, beautiful, terrible slow song about a relationship where one person is far more emotionally invested than another [at least that’s how I interpret it, anyways])
John Mayer- Dreaming with a Broken Heart (whatever you think of his personality and behavior, John Mayer is a terrific songwriter and in this song he nails the topic of, well, dreaming with a broken heart)
Brandi Carlile- Dreams (a bit more energetic and rock and roll sounding than the others, but I think this one’s good if the frustration and tension is really building up inside you and you want a loud, driving chorus to wail along with).
***
Going back to the comment I made earlier about getting drunk out of your mind, yesterday I was again very grateful for the fact that I was raised in a good Mormon household and am a teetotaler. Because, if I was somebody with no aversion to consuming liquors, I have the feeling that given my mood I would have gone and gotten really drunk and then probably would have done or said some really stupid things that I would later regret. Which makes me wonder how a person with any kind of pride would want to allow their self-control to vanish into the haze of drunkenness? Because if you’re feeling really emotionally vulnerable I’m pretty sure alcohol just sets you up for some epic self-humiliation.
Now many people have commented on the ridiculousness of Hollywood celebrities trying to sound authoritative on different social issues, so what I’m saying isn’t really anything new, but I still find it ridiculous to see an online ad that says “Actor [insert name] talks about [insert topic that’s not acting].” Do we have plumbers do ads to raise awareness about good dental hygiene? Do we have astronauts do ads about preventing forest fires? Why in the world are we having people whose only real job is being attractive and entertainingly saying lines that screenwriters put into their mouths the ones that we have speak about anything outside of acting?
Now, I think at the same time I’m probably being a little unfair about this. After all, if you’re a wealthy, famous person with plenty of free time, it’s entirely possible for you to do real research on an issue and then to go and try to raise awareness about something you care about. And, sadly, we humans do have a tendency to listen more to a person with good looks and charisma than an uncharismatic guy who actually knows what he’s talking about, so if you’re an organization trying to get public support for something, it is the shrewd move to get some gorgeous spokesperson for your cause (Andy Griffith is pretty easy on the eyes, after all).
An awesome parody of this sort of thing is Neil Patrick Harris’ Old Spice ad. Check it out on youtube. Classic.
***
So I’ve been off-and-on in a bit of a depressed, lonely, heartbroken funk lately, and there’s nothing that depressed, lonely, heartbroken people like to do more than listen to songs about being depressed and lonely and heartbroken (well, ok, for non-Mormons it’s probably getting drunk out of your mind but as for me I like music). So, I’ve been doing a lot of listening to melancholy songs lately and here are a few of my favorites for those times when you’re feeling down and want to hear some sounds that recognize the pain in you (brownie points to whoever knows what song I just referenced there):
The Script- Breakeven (very catchy and does a real good job talking about how insane one feels when they’re totally heartbroken over someone and the other person ain’t; for some reason I just love the line, “Her best days are some of my worst”)
Frou Frou- It’s Good to Be in Love, The Dumbing Down of Love (actually, the whole album by Frou Frou [“Details”] makes for a wonderful 40 minutes or so of beautifully crafted melancholia, but these two in particular I think pack the biggest emotional punch for those that are feeling lonely or heartbroken)
Porcupine Tree- So Low (WOW, this is such a simple, beautiful, terrible slow song about a relationship where one person is far more emotionally invested than another [at least that’s how I interpret it, anyways])
John Mayer- Dreaming with a Broken Heart (whatever you think of his personality and behavior, John Mayer is a terrific songwriter and in this song he nails the topic of, well, dreaming with a broken heart)
Brandi Carlile- Dreams (a bit more energetic and rock and roll sounding than the others, but I think this one’s good if the frustration and tension is really building up inside you and you want a loud, driving chorus to wail along with).
***
Going back to the comment I made earlier about getting drunk out of your mind, yesterday I was again very grateful for the fact that I was raised in a good Mormon household and am a teetotaler. Because, if I was somebody with no aversion to consuming liquors, I have the feeling that given my mood I would have gone and gotten really drunk and then probably would have done or said some really stupid things that I would later regret. Which makes me wonder how a person with any kind of pride would want to allow their self-control to vanish into the haze of drunkenness? Because if you’re feeling really emotionally vulnerable I’m pretty sure alcohol just sets you up for some epic self-humiliation.
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